Cha-cha-cha-changes

Well there is much to say....I haven't posted because I have been swamped with work. I was presented with a fantastic opportunity at work that both inspires me and breaks my heart all at the same time. First let me give you a little background. There are some people who never really know what they are meant to do with their lives. For me, it became clear as glass for me my sophomore year of college while doing my teaching observation hours at Fern Creek Elementary in an EBD self contained classroom (emotional/behavioral disorders). That scatterbrained, impatient, crazy, irresponsible girl I was at 19 became the calm, cool, and collected woman I had been striving to become as an educator. I had found my calling. I was fortunate to be able to student teach in the same classroom. I left Louisville for Indianapolis after graduation and was offered a position at the high school I graduated from. I had NEVER worked a day in a high school prior to my first day of teaching and was totally outside my comfort zone, yet I found myself returning to the calm, cool, collected educator I hoped to be. At the end of my first year (where I was co-teaching), I found myself becoming scatterbrained and impatient because I was bored and unchallenged. That summer my boss approached my friend Meghan and I to start an alternative program for at risk drop outs to get them back on track. These were rough kids that most people had given up on and we were able to design a program to make it happen. I felt creative again...I was outside of my comfort zone....and most of all I felt calm and at peace with it all. The program was a success and I will be able to sit at graduation next year and actually see "the originals" (as they call themselves) walk across the stage to get their high school diplomas. I was RIFed and after a long drawn out process was given my job as the alternative teacher back for this year, although instead of splitting it with Meghan (she went to a job share) I'd be on my own. Once again I spent my time tweaking the program from last year as needed to meet the needs of the kids. Once again the program was effective and kids who had never been motivated to do well in school were being successful. Then last week, I was told I would be moving to the ED classroom because the teacher possibly being out for the rest of the year. I would be leaving my kids effective the day after....

This was the first time in my teaching career that I had ever been genuinely scared. Not for the new classroom or the new kids, but for what I knew would happen when I left my kids in the alternative program. I got donuts for the kids on Friday, cried when I told them, and spent the rest of the day playing basketball in the gym with them. I was not ok with this at first...I was upset...I mean like didn't-sleep-for-days-cried-through-two-boxes-of-tissue-could-hardly-eat upset. I made a plan of action, like the responsible girl I am should do, yet in my heart I knew only time could make my heart stop hurting. I was both excited about the new challenge and scared for my alternative kids to feel abandoned by yet another teacher. I didn't want them to feel like that and certainly not because of me. I spent last weekend buying up supplies and getting the classroom ready. By Sunday night, I was physically and emotionally drained. I walked into school on Monday ready to face this new challenge. The first week was pretty good. I missed my old kids for sure yet I also knew I couldn't focus on that or I'd be a mess. I am loving how well the students listen and how receptive they've been to the change. I'm blessed to be presented with this opportunity, yet its the first time I haven't been calm, cool, and collected about change. I'm almost there...and until I am fully there....God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

So until things slow down, I probably won't post much because things are a tad bit crazy. I hope to be back to it asap. Thanks for your prayers lately. I've definitely needed all the help I can get.